It's alright after Christmas, or birthdays, when you have endless bottles of Moët and Buck's Fizz a-plenty, however, when the Christmas spirit has died down, and the last glass of the champagne you swore you were saving for some sort of special occasion has gone (normally after a not-so-special night in with the girls, where the establishment of how much of a bastard your fella is needs to be figured out over a large glass of the fizzy stuff) you are left with very little choices in the pre-drink/wine night/oh my god my day has been so stressful I need a glass of something stronger than pop department. Because of this, I have come up with ten quick fire solutions to the first world problem that is; Being a champagne girl, with the budget of Frosty Jacks and/or Lambrini. And let's be honest, it's more so the "or" than it is the "and" in our current climate.
1. Get a rich fella, then again, why buy the whole pig for just the sausage? Scratch that rule.
2. Get drunk enough at pre drinks you don't need to buy a drink while out (although this can go against you in many ways, from personal experience, it may lead to bouncers saying you are too "rowdy" and offering you a bottle of water)
3. Stop drinking. Hahahaha, no seriously.
4. Ebay those heels that are just TOO beautiful to ever wear anywhere other than your bedroom. Don't neglect heels like that girl, it just ain't fair. Think of the six inches of joy they could be giving to a married woman who hasn't had six inches since her wedding night!
5. Go to the scummiest club with the best drink deals - you may not appreciate almost losing a heel due to the sticky floor, but you can confidently dance and know you are the closest to Beyoncé these basic bitches are ever going to get.
6. Buy Lambrini, and drink it so quickly you never have to dignify the bottle choice to anyone.
7. Buy Lambrini, and pretend you are being "ironic".
8. Adequately price up the price to percentage ratio - that all of have done in the past, don't even try to deny it. More pounds than percentage? Swerve that bottle for echo falls, bitch.
9. Realise that this blog is slowly making me seem like an alcoholic...
10. Contemplate signing up to some sort of support group, but justify not signing up with the notion "I only drink at the weekend."
Well, that took a very uncomfortable turn, didn't it? Let's be honest here, champagne isn't that tasty! It's one of those things we are supposed to acquire a taste to, as we get older, and wiser, and get a taste for the finer things in life, but I'll be honest; I'm just bloody grateful my mum will no longer offer me a glass at 7pm when Easties is on. The best rule I can give you for your champagne lifestyle, is no matter what you are drinking, or doing, or dancing too, own it. If people think you are a confident person, they won't question your choice of alcohol, they'll be too busy watching you drunkenly trying to twerk with your friends in a club, which, the day after you will all come to the agreement was in an ironic sense... Even though all of you listen to Miley in your room while sticking on your eyelashes.
Forget the haters, cause somebody loves ya!
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