We all know the relationship rules; don't cheat; don't tell them they look fat; don't treat them like a pet. And we all know the rules of being single; do whatever the hell you want. But somewhere in between there is a hazy grey area that lacks rules and regulations, and I'm putting it out there, it confuses the fuck out of me.
Seeing someone. Oh, that age old saying that's been on the tongues of 15 year olds since back when I was fifteen. "Is he your boyfriend?" "Nah, we're just seeing each other" and at fifteen, that was pretty cool. It meant you got all the benefits of a relationship (at fourteen it was stuff like cute texts, going to the cinema on orange Wednesdays, and snogging when you're drunk at house parties, and maybe going round for tea after school once a week) without having to tell your mum, but now, with all the politics of sex and crazy nights out (or in my case, crazy nights in with a glass of orange cordial while watching the undateables) it has become somewhat obsolete. I find myself internally screaming when my friends say they are seeing Tom, Dick, or Harry (9/10 times they're Dick) "YES BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" What happened to telling someone you like them and taking the deep plunge with little regard for the consequences. There's even a separate Facebook relationship status that claims you are "in an open relationship". But are you? What are the rules?
Are you allowed to kiss other people? Are you allowed to go on dates with other people? Do you sleep with them? Do you text them all the time? I could easily see myself become a crank with the politics surrounding seeing someone. I need someone to tell me they like me, and if I feel the same way, I say it back. And then we kinda see how it goes. Does that mean I am now seeing them? Because I didn't sign up for that?! How do you ask someone if they want to "see you" anyway? Imagine it though, "do you want to see me?" "Uh mate... I can see you. You are stood right in front of me and you sound like a twat." (Sorry mam for saying the T word.)
And if it is established that you ARE in fact seeing someone, can we mathematically deduce that it then means you are in an open relationship? What exactly is an open relationship? (Almost made an opening your legs pun, decided against it.) Is anyone really truly open in a relationship anyway? Or does this mean another kind of open? It seems like seeing someone is like a pre run for the relationship. Almost like a try before you buy, but does that mean we are selling ourselves short?
I was just discussing this with my friend and she said seeing someone is all fun and games till someone goes and gets attached, but how can you stop yourself from getting attached to someone who is basically your fella without being your fella? You still have to put up with the snoring and the smelly farts and all the crap bits, but there's less pressure, but knowing me, I'd get jealous.
Now, I feel I should point out that I am not a psycho. I know this is something psychos say, but really. But I don't now if I could commit to seeing someone knowing they could be boning someone else, forget feelings, WHAT ABOUT CHLAMYDIA? I feel like my mam when I say this but when did liking someone get so complicated?
I have to admit, my last relationship started with the whole "seeing each other", and it ended far less gracefully, but still, it kinda worked. But even when I'm in the "seeing" someone relationship, I am still confused. I didn't understand the difference, and although it had a happy ending (at the time) with us being together, I don't know if my feelings could deal with the rejection surrounding us never becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. This is not me being sceptical, but when you put so much time and effort into a relationship, to never actually get into a relationship, I expect a little bit more than a tub of Ben and Jerries and a good old cry to "why won't you love me?" Maybe we, as girls, should start printing off certificates.
CONGRATULATIONS! You chose a gobshite. Well done on not letting it go further.
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